I Was That Girl In School…

I’m writing out my life in a timeline, so to experience my story the way its supposed to be told, start here and continue.

I was that girl in school that other girls didn’t like (so I’ve been told). I blossomed earlier than most of my peers of the female variety and boys noticed. This was roughly the same time I began my life phase as a gothic chick. Not that I worshipped the devil or anything. I just wore black EVERYTHING: baggie pants with chains hanging off the back, way too much eye liner, studded everything, topped off with black shirts (usually decorated with some sort of mean or funny quip written on it). I’m sure I scared some people, but I liked the way I looked and I didn’t care what other snots my age thought. I started dating a guy who I ‘fell for’ while skateboarding. On a side note: this was middle school where ‘dating’ someone consisted of holding hands in the hallway and talking on the phone for hours every night. I started skateboarding at first to impress this guy, but really enjoyed it. So much so, that I kept up with it while the guy became a redneck (who’d a thought?). Trying to do ollies and kickflips with chains hanging off my baggy everything wasn’t ideal, so my wardrobe started transitioning into my tight-fitting skater girl clothes and that’s when the fellas really started taking notice.

I was that girl in school that kissed boys. I received my first kiss when I was in 6th grade; roughly 12 years old (before Skater Dude). I wish it was a magical, fairytale-esk story, but it was to someone I now despise at a location that was far from romantic. So why did I kiss him? Still not sure. I do remember my favorite band, and song from said band was playing, (A.F.I., Silver and Cold) which I guess would be my favorite part.

Let me preface the remainder of this post with saying I have an older brother who is 4 years my senior, and with an older brother, comes older brother’s male friends…

Yup. My first kiss was with one of my brother’s friends. This guy was a senior in high school, and of course, that made me feel like hot shit: a middle school girl dating a senior in high school! Looking back at it now… EWWWW! Oh and did I mention he smoked!? Yeah, I knew how to pick ’em. Because of the age difference, we kept our ‘relationship’ a secret. That is, until my mom found us making out in the living room. She demanded that I stop whatever was going on with this guy, and since I was kind of over him anyways, that’s what I did; I broke his heart (his words, not mine). So began my spree…

There was the guy who was the ‘class clown.’ I thought he was cute in a he’s-the-funny-fat-guy kind of way. I voiced my crush to my best friend at the time while we were at a dance (I’m pretty sure Bowling for Soup’s 1985 was blaring in the background). She then proceeds to tell this guy that I wanted to ‘go out,’ he agreed, and that was that; we were in an official middle school relationship. So after all of three weeks going steady with this less-than-ideal life partner, I broke things off. He took it like a champ. And by that, I mean he fibbed to all his little friends that I showed him my tits under the bleachers in the gym to get back at me. Whatever.

Then, there was the guy who was obsessed with weapons of mass destruction. Just a reminder, we were in middle school (7th grade I think), so while this may be disconcerting to some people, I thought it was HOT! This was the first guy whose parents I met and vise versa. His parents adored me (no surprise there). They would invite me over to their house to chill and out to their family dinners, which was cool, but then summer came… You know, it’s really hard keeping a [middle school] relationship alive for three months when the only contact you have with the guy is over the phone between summer camp stays and family vacations. I had enough. I didn’t have the same feelings for this guy as I did in the beginning, or at least that’s what I told him when I ended things over the phone…

I proceeded to strike up a relationship with the school mascot {that sounds weird}. Maybe it was the mystery. Maybe it was the goofy way he would dance around at sporting events. Whatever it was, I liked it. Mascot Guy was a seasoned kisser too, so our relationship was based on this fact. There really weren’t much gushy feelings with him; we just had fun. But then I started having feelings for someone else, so I ended things.

Now back to Skater Dude… This was the closest to love I had gotten in my life thus far. It was rather sweet. We were in band together: I played the flute, he played the trumpet. After ‘dating’ for a few weeks, he invited me over to his place to go skateboarding (the shared activity that sparked our young love). That’s when we shared our first kiss (his first, my third). It was right after his mom made us hotdogs for lunch and we were in the basement playing Grand Theft Auto of some variety. Looking back, I kinda, mighta, sorta mauled him. I pounced on him, controller in his hand, his head in the game, and just laid one on him. Of course, that got his attention.

He was the guy that I really honed my making out abilities with. There was a time that we spent all of an hour and a half mouth-to-mouth in the back of a school bus heading home from a day long band trip, where his father was a chaperone and sitting just seats ahead of us the whole time. I really liked this guy, so much so, that I really did show him my tits. But then devastation emerged: he told me that his family was moving to the next county over and that he was changing schools. Being the naïve little schoolgirl I was, I told him we could at least try to make things work. We could talk everyday on the phone and see each other on the weekends. That didn’t happen.

On our 6 month anniversary, he called right as my family and I were heading out for dinner, but I told them to go without me cause I wanted to talk to my boyfriend on such a special occasion. I should have gone to dinner… Heartbreak ensued when he told me he didn’t want to be with me anymore and that the long distance relationship ‘thing’ just wasn’t working out. I couldn’t believe it! The first time I get dumped was on my 6 month anniversary?! Are you fucking kidding me?! I was devastated, soon to be humiliated by everyone finding out, and I just wanted to die.

Back to Mascot Guy… he found out about my terminated relationship, gave me some time (like a week), then swooped in (which is funny cause our mascot was the Black Hawk). He was my ‘rebound,’ or as much of a rebound a heartbroken middle schooler could have. But I found out through a hand written letter a couple weeks later (that was delivered to me by a third party) that he had only ‘gotten back together’ with me so he could break up with me this time. And in a letter of all ways. What an ass hole!

From there, I became scared: scared of another heartbreak, scared to trust, scared to get involved (yes, even at the early age of 14, I had trepidations about relationships). So how did I chose to move on from my first almost-love…? Recruiting a friends-with-benefits of course!

Let’s see… then there was, shall we call him brother’s friend #2? I was working this guy’s sister’s wedding as a hostess, serving drinks (non-alcoholic at a wedding, wtf!?) and clearing plates. Towards the end of the evening, I went out on the balcony to get some air and rest my feet (the first lesson I had in proper vs. not proper work shoe attire), #2 saw me, sat down and offered me a foot rub. Why not? After he rubbed my soles and caressed my toes, how else was I to thank him other than a make out sesh? The weeks that followed, I convinced mom that his family needed help on the farm, and every chance we got, whether it was while we were spreading hay for the goats, plucking eggs from the chickens, watering the horses, or walking the dogs, we would windup smoochin.

Another summer had come and gone and since #2 was homeschooled, I had to find a new ‘friend.’ [Cue brother’s friend #3] We had known each other for some time: he was my brother’s best friend, so he had come on family vacations with us, he lived across the street, and we had ridden the school bus together for a few years. So, yeah, we knew each other and liked to hang out, usually with the brother present, but this year?… this year, the brother had graduated, which meant no sibling supervision on a 1.5 hour bus ride every morning and afternoon. What’s a girl to do?

This guy was a bad ass. He could make any girl swoon. He would constantly brag about making out with a plethora of other girls; leading them on just long enough to become hooked, just to tell them he wasn’t interested. My kinda guy (at the time). He used  me and I used him (let me just clarify, this was still just kissing, I wasn’t a complete harlot). A lot of my girl friends (all 3 of them) were jealous that I got attention from this guy. One of them even made out with him at some point, and he admitted it to me. He also disclosed that her breath was repulsive and that she needed to brush her teeth {serves her right for trying to steal my FwB}.

Once the excitement wore off, and #3 and I started showing less and less interest in each other, I started spending time with another guy on my bus. Shockingly, he was not an acquaintance of my brother (I thought that was my type). He was quiet, smart, played lacrosse; the type I really wasn’t attracted to, but he paid attention to me, so…

It really all began with us having in depth conversations and spending large amounts of time together. I mean, 3 hours a day on a school bus is pretty ridiculous, but having someone to share it with made it bearable. We liked to play a version of 20 questions, but there was no objective. It was more like: what’s your favorite color; what elementary school did you go to; what do you want to be when you grow up? After we got to know each other from asking stupid questions for hours, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes and sealed it with a kiss; again, his first, my…. what number am I on??

Yet again another summer came along, but Mr. Not-My-Type lived right down the road, so we would see one another periodically, but that time apart made me realize: I didn’t so much have lovey-dovey feelings for him as I just genuinely enjoyed his friendship. I kept that thought to myself until a few weeks into the new school year. We had just entered high school. Things were new, and strange, and there were WAY too many people, so having him by my side through this new chapter, although selfish, kept me afloat. I broke things off one morning, after the bus ride, before class. We got ready to head to homeroom, he leaned in to share in our ritual kiss goodbye, and I dodged. He gave me a puzzled look, then realized it was over. Another one bites the dust. He hated me. He wanted nothing to do with me. I lost a dear friend, but not just that; I hurt a dear friend, and I hated myself for it.

As wounds started to heal, a new guy came into my life (via the school bus, surprise, surprise). Little did I know, he would end up having a major impact on my life later down the road.