Soulmate vs. Red String of Fate

You know that feeling you get when you slide into your favorite pair of broken-in jeans?… it may not be perfect, but nothing else could ever come close; it’s comforting; it’s familiar… If there was a word used to perfectly describe this sensation, it too, would describe the relationship I now have with the Bloke, a.k.a. my Fella.

Do you ever wonder how life works? How the people who are part of your life came to be so? Of course you have. Everyone has at some point. The best way I can describe how my Fella and I met would be serendipity. He grew up in Cambridge, England, north of London. I grew up in a podunk town in the foothills of the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia, where everyone practically knew everyone else (and if they didn’t, they knew their kin). How is it possible that we found each other?

Have you ever met someone you felt an instant connection with? Not necessarily a romantic connection; just somehow linked to them in some way? Is that what a soulmate is? I can’t tell anymore, because I thought my Ex was my soulmate for many years. Can a person have more than one soulmate? Can a person fall in love more than once in a life time?

I learned about the theory of the Red String on a fellow blogger’s post: Meet Me in Nevada’s The Invisible Red Thread. She described the theory in her post:

The invisible red thread sometimes referred to as the red string of fate, is an East Asian legend where an invisible red string is tied around the ankle or finger of the two people that are destined to be with one another. Like soulmates, these two people are connected by the red thread are destined lovers, regardless of place, time, or circumstances. This thread may stretch or tangle but never break. What’s interesting about this concept is that unlike a soulmate, instead of searching for your other half, you are finding someone that you are bound to. The thread tugs and pulls you to the person you are destined to be with. It’s important not to fight the thread. It will always be there because it binds you together.

So this now begs the question: Do soul mates have an expiration date? Referring to the aforementioned quote, soulmates presumably spend their lifetimes searching for one another, but some get lucky and find his/her match early on in life. If this is the case, and the destined people have yet to mature into their adult selves and end up growing apart, are they still considered soulmates? Or soulmates that were? Who’s to say that my Ex wasn’t my soulmate for that time in my life? Who I am now and who I was 10 years ago are completely different. Let’s do a little comparison, shall we:

Then: I was 14 years old. I was living at home with my parents, working a part time job for my Mom’s office cleaning twice a week. I was a freshmen in high school and just met my Ex. My biggest concerns in life were whether or not I would get a perfect score on my Geometry exam so I could get my tragus pierced (a bet I made with my Dad that I ended up winning), and if I was going to make Wind Ensemble [the elite band] or be stuck in Concert Band (I made Wind Ensemble *brushes off shoulder).

Now: I am 24 years old. I have a full time job with a retirement plan and a benefits package. I have 2 Associate’s degrees, a Bachelor’s degree, and I’m working off my student loans. I live in a townhouse with my Fella and our 3 fur babies. I’m planning my first transatlantic getaway with my international boyfriend… By-God, I think I have my life together and it sounds pretty damn dreamy!

So, obviously, I have grown a lot over the past 10 years, and with growth comes change. I’ve matured. I’ve found my voice. I can now identify a pyramid scheme proposition and avoid it like the plague. I can now attest to the cautionary tale that moving in with your friend can and most likely will, ruin your relationship (especially when said friend/roommate takes your half of rent and refuses to actually pay the landlord with it on multiple occasions). I now know that working retail sucks, but more specifically, people suck. Yes, I have become pessimistic with the passing of years, but my father is the exact same way, so at least I come by it honest. All this to say: I’m not the same person I was 10 years ago, so why is it assumed that I will only have one true love in life and that person will suit the 14 year old me as well as the 24 year old me, or even the 64 year old me? Well, if you’ve been following my blog up until this point, then you already know: sometimes, it’s not the same person (at least, not for this romantic).

Which leads me to believe in the Red String of Fate that much more. If I hadn’t met and began a relationship with my Ex, I wouldn’t have eventually gotten a job at his university. And same with my Fella: if he hadn’t met Ex Mrs. Bloke, got married, followed her back to the states, and eventually started teaching for the same department that I was working for at the university, then our paths would have never crossed… but they did. It’s really amazing to think about.

So back to soulmates having expiration dates… I’m still not sure. From what I know about soulmates, you only have one in a given lifetime, and I swore that my Ex was it back in the day, but now… far from it! {Have you read A Letter!?} Maybe he wasn’t my true soulmate; just an imitation. Well it sure fooled me!

The difference between the relationships with my Ex and my Fella is: I now know that fairy-tales don’t exist. It’s sad, I know. With my Ex, I experienced love for the first time: the butterflies from simply holding hands, the dreaming of what the future holds, the longing to make time speed up so our happily-ever-after could arrive sooner. But between our beginning and end, the magic of our relationship dulled; the newness withered away, and we were left with reality, which neither one of us was prepared for. Some would say that it was just the honeymoon phase coming to a close, but after 8 years, I think it was more than that.

With my Fella, we just fit: we want the same things in life, we enjoy the same things in life, and there is little expectation. Sure, we talk about getting married (every girls’ fairy-tale), but in a way that is not rushed. It’s more about enjoying our time together in the here and now (not that I’m wanting to put in another 8 years and have nothing to show for it…). Our relationship is practical, but also very passionate. We support each other. We care for each other. We want the best for each other, and be the best for each other. I know this sounds like how every romantic relationship should be, but I didn’t have this kind of support from my Ex; at least not in the later part of the relationship. It’s good to have someone you know you can count on, you know?

In conclusion: Do I believe in soulmates? Yes. Do I believe in the Red String of Fate theory? Sure. Do I believe in Santa Claus? You bet your ass I do! Do I think I have met my soulmate in life? I think so. Do I think I have met my Red String partner? I do.

[see what I did there?] 😉



7 thoughts on “Soulmate vs. Red String of Fate

  1. Omg!! I think this way too. If I had not met my ex, I wouldn’t be where I am today. Even though we didn’t work out, he still encouraged me to find a new job (which I found, with benefits and retirement plan too!!😆😆) and I wouldn’t be where I am today. So crazy to think that if one particularl event did not happen in the past, we wouldn’t be where we are today.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. No you get one soulmate your ex may have made you feel a way but instead brought you to where you are now no matter how you are with your soulmate close or not the string will always be there it just became a little lose or a lot tighter. You may have just got yourself so attcached to him that you made yourself believe he was but instead just knew that your soulmate was very close.

    Liked by 1 person

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