Fashion Crimes

Today’s topic is Fashion Crimes; both in the closet and in the courtroom.

First are crimes against fashion…

I have always tried to dress modestly, even through my high school and college years. Not in an extreme sense like those of a religious sect, but I have wardrobe limitations that I have set for myself and stick to.

• Black bra under a white shirt: Nope. That’s just trashy. Actually, bra showing in any form, even the straps- just no. There’s a reason it’s called underwear.
• Full coverage or cheeky panties with leggings: No way. Pantie lines are my nemesis.
• Any article of clothing considered pajama related out in public: What, am I 4 years old and lack the ability to dress myself in a decent outfit to run to the store? Last time I checked… no.
• Same thing with sweats: I mean, come on. I understand that you’re going for the comfort factor, but is putting on a pair of jeans that difficult?
• Nothing that has the potential to display muffin top, camel toe, any part of the ass, or side boob (though in some instances, it can be considered attractive, none of which are at a little league [insert child sport] game).

I think you get the picture. I know I do and I’m slightly freaking myself out.

Obviously, these are by no means unreasonable limits. Just some rules that I have for myself as to not look like a disheveled harlot in public. I even dare to wear white after Labor Day (gasp!), but only when it’s not raining, ’cause no one wants to see all that.

Ladies, what ever happened to keepin’ it classy? I’m not saying you need to dress in business attire or ball gowns, but at least put a little effort into your appearance. Please…?

Back in high school, what you wore defined who you were. When I was high school, I made a strange transition from skater girl to hippy chick. I entered high school wearing mini skirts over my jeans, wrapped with a studded belt, topped off with an Element or Volcom shirt. And by the time I was a senior, I was either seen in a psychedelic tie-dye shirt or a long, flowy skirt. But to confuse the rest of my clique-minded classmates, I wore my cousin’s hammy-down American Eagle hoodies, sweats when I had away volleyball games, and my ‘I’m With The Band’ t-shirt when a concert was imminent. I never stuck with one style, but I made sure that whatever I wore, I owned it.

And now? I’m an executive assistant so I wear things like pencil skirts, slacks and blouses, but only when I’m feeling extra ‘executive assistant-y.’ Because my office has a business casual dress code, I have the luxury to wear jeans with a nice top, leggings with sweaters, or sundresses, whenever I feel like it (weather permitting).

So why am I telling you this?

Because I feel we as a society have lost our sense of style amidst designer brands and comfort clothes. Hear me out…

You ever see those Louise Vuitton shoes that display the classic two-toned brown leather material with the intertwining LV logo printed all over? Who in the world sees those shoes and thinks, “Those are absolutely stunning. I must have them.” If they weren’t brand name, I hope to God, no one would find these attractive.

Another instance: UGG boots. They’re called UGG for a reason. I mean, come on! Whenever I come across a girl wearing a pair of these oversized boots, all I can think is: Clydesdale. And I know I’m not the only one. But they’re so comfortable… So is my pillow, but you don’t see me sliding my feet in them and calling them shoes. There are only two reasons this type of hoovery is still available: a) UGG has succeeded in popularizing their brand to the point where people will buy anything with their name on it or b) some girls have always wanted to be horses when they grew up and this is the closest way of achieving their dream.

And how about flesh-colored leggings. How about no. I’m not even going to debate this one because there is no defense on the issue.

There are many articles of clothing that are just a ‘no’ in my book (and I wish more people would photocopy that page and get their shit together), but alas, tube tops, crop tops, and ruffles of any kind are not all my poor eye balls have to be subjected to.

What is it with people (women in particular) that don’t seem to have a sense of what size they should be wearing?

I went through a phase like this when I was younger. When I was in high school, my thought was: I need to wear the smallest size to look good. Why? Where did that line of thought come from? It’s not like people were checking out the tag on the inside of my jeans to know if I was a size 2 or not. Plus, it’s not very attractive waddling around like a penguin because your pants don’t fit correctly. We all know sizing varies depending on brand anyways; what’s a size 2 in one brand is considered a size 6 in another. I’m a 10 and it’s not just because my pants say so. 😉

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Then there are the crimes based against fashion…

There is a long standing debate, particularly in public schools about the way females dress. Shorts, skirts, tank tops, and leggings are often forbidden in schools as to not ‘draw attention’ or ‘distract’ those of the opposite sex. Well I call bull shit. Can school officials who make these rules not see how these dress codes are influencing the way girls view their own bodies? Females are being told not to dress a certain way because boys can interpret it the wrong way. Let me just say one thing: boys (and men for that matter) are going to interpret anything they want no matter how a girl is dressed. If the guy is a sleeze-ball, he’s still going to be a sleeze-ball to a girl wearing a dress or a sweat suit. If a guy is a gentleman, he’s still going to be a gentleman to a girl wearing a skirt or a pair of jeans.

Instead of enacting and enforcing strict rules on females about how to dress their God- given bodies, how about we focus more on teaching boys not to objectify and sexualize women?

As I’ve stated above: I’ve never been the type to sport low-cut shirts or short hemlines and I always wore undershirts when my top’s material was on the thinner side. With this being said, during my trial for being sexually assaulted, I was still accused of dressing promiscuously. Is this the go-to excuse for rapists? Has this defense ever won in court? It was her fault for dressing too much like a woman that she was sexually attacked. Really!?

The first time I was raped, I was wearing a long white skirt, a pale yellow v-cut t-shirt and a white undershirt preventing visible cleavage and/or the ability to see my bra. I was still raped. The day that I had a knife held to my throat and was taken advantage of, I was wearing tan cargo pants and a purple long sleeve shirt with, surprise, surprise, another undershirt. I was still raped.

I can’t be the only exception to this imaginary rule that all women who are raped are dressed provocatively. In fact, I would wager a guess that it’s quite the opposite.

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The thing about fashion is that it’s subjective; not everyone will agree, and that’s okay. What’s not okay is people dictating to others what is considered distracting, trashy, and/or provocative, and thinking that just because someone is dressed a certain way, they are ‘asking for it,’ unless, of course, that someone has a shirt that reads:

… then by all means, feed the poor woman some tacos and tell her she’s pretty!