Modern Day Romance

I follow a lot of blogs dedicated to dating in modern day with the help of technology based matchmaking platforms such as Tinder, OK Cupid, or any multitude of online dating sites. Bloggers are always writing about searching for their Baby/Boo/BAE in a sea of ghosting, cat fishing, and benching, trying to determine if they’re DTF, DDF, DTE, or if they have a GSOH IRL, then defending their said catch from thirsty THOTs while trying to establish if they’re FWB, NSA, or being slayed by DTR (translation below).

For those of you who are dating-lingo-illiterate: Bloggers are always writing about searching for [a significant other] in a sea of [communication abruptly ending], [persons lying about who they are], and [infrequent but consistent communication], trying to determine if they’re Down To Fuck, Drug and Disease Free, Down To Earth, or if they have a Good Sense Of Humor In Real Life, then defending their said catch from [horny] That Ho[es] Over There while trying to establish if they’re Friends With Benefits, No Strings Attached or being [hunted as a prize, where having sex is considered the kill] by Determine[ing] The Relationship.

Let me just take a moment to pause and reflect…. REALLY!? This is what our generation bases it’s dating life on? A bunch of acronyms that no one really knows the meaning of and has to ask Google to decipher?? I will just say: ISGIIACR. I’m So Glad I’m In A Committed Relationship. I don’t think I could put up with this nonsense. And kudos to those of you who do.

As you all may know, I met my Ex on the school bus (if you didn’t know, then you can read about it here). This was back in the day when online dating was still considered dangerous. I mean, I still believe this to be true, but that’s besides the point… When we first started dating, I had a flip phone that wasn’t on a texting plan (because my father insisted we didn’t need one). Since I wasn’t 16 yet, I was not allowed to officially date (is that still a thing?), so the only contact my Ex and I had was when we saw each at school or on the phone, calling one another when we were apart; I know, how very archaic.

I met my Fella at work. He was an instructor and I was an administrative assistant who would make copies for him and unlock his office when he miss placed his keys. Once we became friends, we started texting and before we knew it, we were living together.

So, as you can see, I’ve never had the chance had an opportunity needed to turn to apps or dating sites to find a mate. My only experience with dating apps is when my ex best friend started using them after high school. Being the paranoid over protective friend that I was, I always voiced my concerns with her meeting up with strange men. She always had an excuse as to why ‘this one’ isn’t a serial killer. He’s in the CIA. He’s a firefighter. He has a kid. He has a kitten. These are 100% authentic reasonings she gave me. She was the special kind of stupid, but I loved her anyways.

Over time, online dating became the norm (almost overnight really), but I never understood the appeal. I’m sure many people still share the same sentiment that meeting people ‘the old fashioned way’ is the ideal first encounter, whether it’s by running into them at a bar or attending the same function or meeting through mutual friends. But with the accessibility these dating tools provide, who wants to put in that much effort? Why spend time, money and energy to get dolled up, find a decent watering hole, just to spend hours chatting someone up to find out he/she is not ‘the one’ when you could just as well stay home and swipe left or right? What’s the point in putting yourself out there when you can post a perfectly edited picture with a short but witty bio and get a few matches instead of taking a chance that hottie will be at the bar and he’ll ask you for you number?

I’ve always been in monogamous relationships. Even throughout my dating rampage as a young teenager, I was vested in one person at a time… until I got bored and moved on. But I didn’t juggle boys like play things; not all at once, at least. Honestly, I wouldn’t have the patience, the stamina, the drive, to date multiple men simultaneously. I just don’t like people in general, so the whole suitor juggling act sounds nightmarish to me.

Also, are blind dates still a thing? Do friends set other friends up on dates who have never met? Is that crossing the line into ‘too much effort’ in comparison to the app or online dating scene? And speed dating… I heard about this illusive practice when I was younger, mainly in movies, but I’ve never seen one in progress. Does it still exist or has it gone the way of the dodo?

With the extreme transition ‘the norm of dating’ has seen in the last few decades, it makes me wonder: What is the future of dating going to look like in 10 years? In 20 years? Are we going to come full circle and have arranged marriages determined not by our parents, but by computers, based of course on manually inputting personality traits and finding matches determined by a preset compatibility algorithm? Are we, a species scientifically known as more polyamorous, going to do away with monogamy altogether? More and more adults these days are opting out of having children, so why get married at all? Why not continue the bachelor/bachelorette lifestyle of humping-and-dumping ’till the cows come home? Never in my life did I ever think I would write a sentence with the words ‘humping,’ ‘dumping,’ and ‘cows’ strung together.  

Question for those of you who are actively dating: Are you in search for a spontaneous one-night-stand; to get your ‘O’ then go, or are you in search for Mr./Mrs. Right? Is it the same process for the two, only difference being… well I suppose you could end up shagging at the end of the first date in either case… So how do you convey to your date that you’re in it purely for the sex as opposed to wanting to eventually put a ring on it? Who the hell am I? The sex. Who the fuck talks like that!?

I’ll tell you what… it’s a good thing I’m not single. I’m not sure I would make it through one date without scaring off a guy between how atrocious my tangents can be and my vulgar use of profanity. I’m quite the catch, really. At least, that’s what my Fella tells me. 😊

42 thoughts on “Modern Day Romance

  1. I love this post so much. I have always been a monogamous gal myself…I don’t like people in general as well so yes – one is and will always be plenty for me. I’m an old fashioned gal in this horrible tech world.

    It is terrifying to think this is what finding a partner has become and also why I fear I will be single forever haha.

    I refuse to give into dating apps. I don’t trust any fool online – just saying. I have been deceived from people I knew closely or thought I did. So no thank you 😁. I guess when I’m up for dating again – I will blog about it. To keep the romance and old school traditions alive via lost, anxious and recently dumped 28 alllmost 29 year old gal 😂😳.

    Great post, keep it up and I love your humor!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Dating apps are….I don’t even have the words to describe them. Anyway I’ve been single my whole life and will probably stay that way. I just can’t see myself liking a person enough to want to get in a full-blown relationship with them. I scare a lot of people away 😂

    Liked by 2 people

  3. The last time I was single, I was swiping on allllll of the dating apps and having the best time testing out different personalities, being wined and dined all over the Bay Area, and shagging whoever I found to be even remotely attractive. I wasn’t looking for anything serious at all and was quite vocal about that but somehow a cute guy from Tinder, of all apps [places], refused to accept that he was just a one night stand and kept calling, kept wining/dining me, until I realized I hadn’t been on any of my apps in weeks and knew that I had accidentally fallen for him.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Thank you for the nice post about this topic. In a place where one knows no body (e.g., new place) or in a time where our real (not digital) social connections are less, I think these e-mothods are handy. However, I’m not sure if it’s going to work on long term.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Believe it or not I am dating to ultimately find a husband/life partner but I understand some of the people I date will never be that and occasionally I choose to continue “dating” them for fun. You can refer to Barbee Stories on my blog for some of these wild experiences

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I deleted all my dating apps a couple of months ago and I must confess, I feel so refreshed and finally free. I honestly had become addicting to swiping left or right, cropping the perfect profile pic, or trying to sell myself yet again with 500 characters or less. Trying to connect with people the old fashion way may be hard, but ultimately I think it’ll lead to a stronger relationship in the long run.

    Liked by 4 people

    • That’s kind of refreshing to hear (read). And I agree; I think it will lead to a stronger relationship as well (at least based on my one sociology and human behavior classes I took in college). 😉 Good luck my friend.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I’m 50, and have dated online for about 7 years, for various reasons, with various outcomes, and found love a few times. I think it’s a great way to cruise safely from the comfort of your home, but it can also get addictively superficial. I have also found Love, several times, and now am in a new romance I’ve been blogging about… I guess it’s different strokes for different folks hey? And more than anything, I’ve learnt to BE HONEST: to ask for what I want, and to really listen to what the other person seeks.

    Liked by 5 people

  8. I never online dated until I became single about 4 years ago. Since then I’ve had a number of wild experiences and met some quality men as well. What I’m looking for has changed, and I use different sites, write my profiles to say what I want, and engage differently, based on what I’m looking for.

    Unfortunately not everyone is honest online (gasp!) but I have always believed if what I want is just something casual, or exactly the opposite, the best approach is to be open about it and it makes everything much, much, easier.

    I’ve written a lot about my dating adventures and online dating so if you’re curious what its like, come on over to my blog. I look forward to exploring yours!


    Liked by 3 people

  9. I’ve been online dating for 7 whole years…crazy right 😂
    My eyes have never been more open.
    I’ve set up a blog this week to share my thoughts, feelings and stories about online dating as I am amazed at what is out there. X

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Navigating dating apps is like learning the internet all over again. I had no idea the DDF/DTE etc. stuff even existed until I read this! x

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Even though I met my now husband online (but no it was not on dating apps, we actually started chatting in a chat room. yes a shame to admit but being the introvert I am and I was very isolated, I was a bit of an internet junkie and for too long got lost in cyber world. Probably even worse than dating apps and more dangerous tbh. I do see that now and I am over it, the only account I have online now is WordPress. I don’t even have facebook anymore. I honestly don\t care much for the net life be it with keeping up with people I know or strangers anymore, nor am I a phone junkie) After I got over all this I see how stupid even facebook is even if it is filled with updates from your loved ones and friends. Like I really don’t give a crap what everyone has going on in their life, cause I got my own life. That is just one thing I have come to senses about how ridiculous social media has become. But yess even though I met my hubby online, I love this post and I agree how ridiculous it is.

    However….I have to stress we are not stopping the new generations from online dating, apps or social media. It is here and telling kids it;s dangerous is not going to help keep anyone safe, cause they are more likely to rebel and with technology is so easy to get to and everyone is doing it, it is easier to rebel. Taking away your child’s phone is not going to stop them from using friends phones in school or at their houses etc. So unless you want to lock your kid/teen up in a room and they live in a bubble forever. Instead we need to be more open about being able to discuss it with teens. We need to accept it is part of our reality now. The stigma is not helping. It is just having teens shut out their peers even more and then you know nothing of their involvment in social media and therefor can’t protect them at all. Yes teach your children and teens about online safety, manage and babysit their activity that’s fine. But accept they are going to do it and they are more likely to listen I think and talk about it and have their peers there to help even if they get themselves in dangerous situations more if you allow it than to just deny it going on and say don’t do it! Even at 26 I told my parents about my husband when we met online. My dad even came with me to pick him up at the bus station at midnight with me. That way if he was a liar and was going to like I dunno psycho kill me or anything like that, I had someone there with me to protect me and get me out of a situation if need be. I had skyped for months with this guy though and I knew he was who he said he was, I knew it wasnt going to be some horrid situation. I took my dad along for his satisfication and I could stop listening to the repeated rants that everyone online is some serial killer. xD Basically I’d rather have parents be involved with their children and teens on social media, that if they do decide to make some stupid decision the parents can be there to help. If parents and peers drop the stigma, maybe younger generation will talk about it more, and that is the only way we can still help keep them safe. Cause telling them to just stop especially now where technology is, ain’t going to do it.


  12. This post said it all! And by the way thanks for translating some of those abbreviations. I thought I was in the know but I only knew a few.

    I’ve had an on and off relationship with online dating since my late teens. And in the nearly decade of using it, I’ve always thought it was a lot of work. Probably equal to that of just going out.

    *finding a free site– because paying for anything like that is just ridiculous and even the free sites have options to pay for higher quality. “For $9.99 a month you can see who liked you.”

    *^^ that being said if you like me why not just message me!?!?!?!

    *uploading the perfectly edited and filtered pictures because posting anything less than a magazine shot will get you nowhere

    *ghosting happens a lot

    *and often you find out that you’re not compatible IRL

    As for the difference in asking for a one-night stand or a long term relationship, they’re usually started out the same unless the person clearly states they’re only DTF on their page.

    I met my own husband online, but on Facebook. He was actually looking at my friends profile and saw me and asked me out instead. But during our splits we’ve dabbled on sites and both jokingly laughed at how much worse the online dating scene is in just a few short years. **which I think played an equally important role in us working things out, that and we have a kid and finding people who respect that your kid comes first is hard.

    I wonder as well how the future of dating will unfold. Speaking of arranged marriages, a few of my friends have joked about arranging our children into marriages. Naturally of course our kids hate each other 😀

    Liked by 2 people

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