I tell people I’m a reality blogger because I don’t like the term “lifestyle blogger.” I don’t mean it in a “put things into the universe if you want them to come to be” type way. But lately it feels as though I’m living my own version of The Real Housewives. Not that I have drama in my life personally (thank you universe), but some of my friends are being put through the ringer.
I don’t have many friends, but the friends I do have are like family to me. I love them to death and will absolutely do anything for them.
You think I’m kidding…
probably to an extreme. When someone I love feels wronged, I feel wronged. When someone I love is angry, I become angry. I’m the type of friend that will be there for you in your time of need and then after the fact beat myself up mentally because I feel like I didn’t do enough.
On this episode of The Real
Housewives of BEXoxo, I offer to move a friend out of his house because he’s getting death threats from a drug dealer, I drive around strange neighborhoods and probe people on social media about a lost dog, and I accompany an enraged bestie on her trip to a local eatery to confront her husband’s lover.
Again, you think I’m kidding…
Way way way back at the beginning of my blogging
career journey, I briefly wrote about Mr. Not-My-Type (and if you haven’t read that post, you probably should; it’s one of my all time most viewed). For those of you who haven’t and can’t be bothered to read that post, Mr. Not-My-Type is an ex boyfriend of mine. We dated in middle/high school, I broke his heart, he hated me, and then we became friends again in college. To this day he is my oldest friend and I cherish our bond immensely.
A couple years ago my friend got engaged to this less-than-perfect girl he’d been living with for awhile (I know, I have a knack for divulging many a detail…). I wasn’t her biggest fan because I knew my friend deserved better, which really wasn’t much of an ask seeing as this girl worked part-time at a Chinese food restaurant and refused to get a driver’s license so my friend had to be her chauffeur when he wasn’t attending school full-time or working his full-time AND part-time jobs. I’d like to say she had a winning personality, but I’d be lying. She was just not a nice person to be around.
A couple months before the supposed wedding date, I hadn’t received an invite (only a Save the Date), so I reached out asking for some details (rich coming from me, I know). The response to my “Hey friend! How goes it? How’s the wedding planning goin?” was “Well she cheated on me a couple of weeks ago and I walked in on it so no more planning.” Oh but it gets worse…
The guy she was cheating on him with was her drug dealer! My friend told his now ex that the dealer wasn’t allowed in the house until he had moved out which pissed off the druggie who then started making death threats to my friend saying he was going to bomb his house or arrange a drive-by shoot up. My friend lives 5 hours away, but that didn’t matter. I offered to drive down there that day and help him move if he needed help. I was worried for his safety and wanted him out of there as soon as possible. Luckily he had help and got out of there in a matter of days.
Fast forward to 3 months ago, my friend sent me a picture of a sonogram with the caption, “So this happened.” He got a girl pregnant; a girl that he was supposed to bring as a date to my wedding a couple months prior, but didn’t. Oh but it gets worse…
She was MARRIED to another guy! At the time of conception, no. See, she is a trollop and was seeing my friend while she was seeing this other guy (neither of which knew). She had a shotgun wedding with the other guy because they were ‘in love’, come to find out she was pregnant with my friend’s baby. Now her new husband doesn’t want anything to do with her or the not-his-baby and demanded an annulment. And since my friend comes from a broken family and wants so much more for his offspring, he really wants things to work out for him and his baby mama, but she refuses to take off her wedding ring and continues to sleep with the not daddy any chance she can because ‘she loves him’ all the while LIVING with my friend.
All I gotta say to this girl (whom I’ve met once- at her baby shower) is: Honey, get your shit together. You’re a mother now. Stop being so God damn selfish and keep your ever lovin’ pants on.
Another friend of mine shared on Facebook right after Christmas that her 15 year old family dog had ran away and was asking for people to keep an eye out for her. She lives near my place of work so for the next few days, before and after work I would take a couple extra minutes and cruise the neighborhood looking for this dog. Someone found the dog a couple days later and posted on Facebook that she had found her and was looking for the owners, but because the poor dog was scared and had been away from her family for so long, started having diarrhea on the lady’s carpet, so SHE LET THE DOG GO. Oh but it gets worse…
Come to find out on another of the Facebook posts that some lady knows who found the dog and that lady has decided to KEEP HER. This bitch stole my friend’s dog! I’ve gone full PI on Facebook trying to find this heartless piece of trash that decided to keep someones beloved family dog and break a 5 year old’s heart in the process. Who the hell does something like that!? There is currently a police investigation going on so hopefully my friend’s dog will be returned soon.
Finally, my work bestie. Hold on to your butts my dear readers; you’re in for one hell of a rodeo with this one.
My best friend at work and I work together which is rather convenient. Often times when we need to vent, we close the door to one of our offices, one or both have diarrhea of the mouth for a few minutes, then continue with our work day. Back at the beginning of December, my friend comes into my office, shuts the door, and announces that her husband of 10 years (father of her 3 young children) has asked for a divorce. Oh but it gets worse…
Turns out he’s gay. Now there is nothing wrong with being gay, but as a man, deciding to get married to a woman (and not tell her that you’ve been dating men for your entire adult life), have 3 kids with said woman, and then tell her, “Oh by the way, I’m gay and I don’t love you,” is not okay. Oh but… well you know.
My friend, who is feeling all the emotions at one time, then tells me that she found out that her husband has a boyfriend whom he met at Olive Garden. A few months back while my friend was out of town for work, her husband took the kids out to dinner. When the check came, he found a note from the waiter that read something to the effect of: “Give me a call if you wanna have some fun.” Classy…
She then told me that she was on her way to confront the homewrecker at Oliver Garden; she already called ahead and made sure he was there. Doing what any supportive best friend would (should) do, I offered to drive. No one wants a psychotic, emotional, potentially homicidal woman behind the wheel any day of the week.
She confronts the homewrecker who denies everything (with a deranged grin on his face might I add) and we get thrown out. Back in the car, my friend has another break down, tells me that the guy we just confronted identifies as a woman and pleads for me to explain to her how her husband decides not only to cheat on her with a man, but with a man who pretends to be a woman? Yeah, she’s mentally fucked by that one.
The weeks since everything came out (or you know, he came out), my friend has been venting to me about what he’s putting her through and my heart breaks for her a little more each time. And not just for her, but for her kids who are not dealing very well with their father leaving. Without sharing more of her story (’cause let me tell you folks, it’s a doozy), all I have to say is she is the last person on this earth that deserves to go through this. She has been through enough in her lifetime and the effects of this life event will be felt for a very long while.
It is at this time I would like to post a PSA: Under no circumstance are you to sleep with your drug dealer, knock up some strange woman who is obsessed over another man, steal someone’s fucking dog, or announce to your supposed life partner that you never loved them and that you will file for bankruptcy before paying any kind of alimony after committing adultery with a transgender almost-teenager.
This has been brought to you by The Real
Housewife of BEXoxo.
On another note, a fellow blogger is hosting a networking page for bloggers to meet and share their links. Head over to Paul’s blog at The Captain’s Speech to get to know some fellow keyboard ticklers.