Taking care of “Business”

Let me just start by saying this will in no way be dinner conversation. Nor will it be a tasteful (talk about a bad choice of words…) refined blog post. Funny: maybe. Crude: definitely. TMI: out the wazoo. This will be an artful piece comprised of a myriad of ways you can say “poop”. You have been warned…

If you can believe it, this is my second blog post sharing a story about poop. I think I’ve found a new sub category I can expand into!

So I recently read this article about how people, women in particular are embarrassed about pooping in public and how it can actually have a negative impact on their bodies. Who knew!? Well I am one of those women. I absolutely detest going number 2 in a public bathroom, especially at work. I know my body well enough to know when it’s an emergency and I do what I gotta do, but doing the doo in a loo of the business that pays you is not an ideal way of relieving oneself–at least not in my opinion.

I have seen comments (mostly from men) of those that will only shit at the office since they are practically being paid to drop a load, but even the thought of being paid to plop makes me uncomfortable.

I like to blame it on bad genetics, but the saying ‘girls poops don’t stink’ is absolutely preposterous. I’ve always been a Pumba; not a Timon. And that’s on a good day!

Well I recently had a bad day… at work. I must have eaten something the day before that wasn’t sitting right and my body was practically screaming at me. I went to our employee bathroom in the middle of the building and let the toilet bowl have it. I got in and out as fast as I could, but my stomach was still rumbling. I didn’t want to take the chance of going back to the same bathroom in case anyone saw me just leave, so I decided to venture to the basement. In hindsight, this really should have been plan A.

I work for the health department and we have a lot of stuff. Because of this we have a basement level dedicated to storing old records, emergency preparedness supplies, extra nursing equipment, blue prints, just stuff. It’s also where our environmental health specialist decapitate animals to test for rabies. As far as creepy basements go, this one’s pretty bad. But a perfect place to poo!

After spending an abnormally long amount of time taking care of business, my innards started feeling normal again and I decided to head back up, but before doing so, I figured I’d pop into the old records room and look for a file I was missing upstairs. On my way out of the file room, I ran into a co-worker who was there grabbing some training equipment for a class.

Acting as casual as possible, I bobbed my head towards her and said hey, making a b-line for the exit. In passing she says,”Environmental health people must have just killed a skunk or something down here. It stinks really bad.”

Can we take a minute to acknowledge just how mortified I was that the aftermath of my upset stomach that my co-worker was experiencing was on par with (according to her) the stench of death!?

I responded with an, “Oh my God! I know! It’s terrible,” and left the basement as fast as I could without looking guilty.

So to my co-worker whose nasal passages I unintentionally assaulted: from the heart of my bottom, I am extremely sorry you had to experience that. I hope it never happens again.

Signed, your still extremely mortified co-worker.

11 thoughts on “Taking care of “Business”

  1. Omg I feel the same way!!! Like I know it’s natural and I try to teach my kids that farting in class is totally normal and acceptable but when it comes to me, nopes. Today I had a little tummy rumbling after lunch but during prep which is perfect cos all other teachers are in their rooms! So I head to the bathroom, and (TMI but you are sharing too lol) made a VERY loud noise in my stall thinking I was alone, but then a toilet flushed in the bathroom!! 😱 thankfully it wasn’t another staff member but rather a person there just for the community centre but still 😐😐😐

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh no! I’m embarrassed for you! I’m the same way though. I know it’s natural and everyone does it… I get embarassed when others do their thing and I’m in the room with them. I excuse myself as soon as I can.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Haha the thing was like I wasn’t even expecting it 😂 the worst kind of bodily function lol thankfully it wasn’t heard by anyone I’m around a lot

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I refuse to do more than a number 1 at school unless it becomes absolutely necessary. There just aren’t many bathrooms at an elementary school where an adult can really feel comfortable doing such a thing. I mean, I’m not gonna do it in one of the kid friendly bathrooms. That’s just what I need is a 1st grader walking in on me. I don’t want to do it in one of the two available adult bathrooms… the teachers already talk about that one guy that is constantly using the bathroom as his personal office space. There is a bathroom on the back side of the gym that is rarely, if ever, used. That’s where I’ll go if there’s no avoiding the deuce. But I don’t like it because it’s not air conditioned. Not so bad in the winter, but when with the way summer has extended lately… the heat and the smell are not a good combo.

    I used to be of the “paid to poop” mindset, but that really depends on where you work. When I worked for my church, sure… no problem. When I worked overnight in a group home, it was easy to wait until everyone was asleep and then go. But, no… school just doesn’t work for me.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Lol you are not alone!

    I also hate that the loos in north America have that gap…so if someone really wanted to know who is making the stink, they could see! I am so glad that noone actually seems to peek.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I noticed when we went to Europe a few years back that you guys have literal boxes as stalls; no gaps to be found. That is pretty nice. I guess we’re just used to our gaping stalls in the US.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Lol, Bex!! I am cracking up. 😂 I love that you just went along with her about the dead animal hahaha. Thanks so much for sharing this & giving me such a laugh. I never relieve myself at work, either. We only have one bathroom in the dressing room so there’s a sign that says, “please be considerate, do not poop in this bathroom” since we have other ones you could do that in but, my rude co-workers always stink up our one in the dressing room. Honestly. I could never!

    Liked by 1 person

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