My Formative Years

Be advised: this post may contain triggers for some

I’ve been reading a lot of ‘decade in review’ posts and learning so many interesting things about my blogger friends (mainly where I compare to them age-wise). As is the reason behind these posts, I too began thinking about my past decade and I can honestly say this will forever be the decade that changed me the most.

In 2010 I graduated high school (see what I mean by the age thing…?). I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with my life and my parents weren’t forking over the money to send me to university, so I enrolled in the local community college and took on a couple of part-time jobs. Looking back, yes this was a wise financial decision, but I hate to admit how much my relationship affected that choice. I was 18 and proximity to my boyfriend of 3 years was high on the priority list.

Soon after I started getting into the swing of things with school, work, and personal life, my entire world was thrown off kilter. I became a victim of sexual assault and that one event turned into ongoing abuse when my attacker began to blackmail me. For 6 months I lived my personal hell too scared to speak up; afraid of truths and lies not looking the same to others as they did to me; terrified of the repercussions of asking for help.

My boyfriend found out and broke up with me. My parents found out and their view of their only daughter was forever changed. I felt alone with only the darkest thoughts of my life to keep me company. My abuse finalized while I was at the jagged end of a knife. My attacker fled for the last time and all I could do was crumple into a ball and wish for the end.

I gained the courage to speak with police about my abuse; so began my transformation.

For far too long I was the victim. When someone goes through something so heinous and degrading, (s)he can only come out a survivor-at least that’s what I was told. I became determined to fight my abuser and make sure he would never again have that same power over anyone else. The court process was long and arduous, but resulted in my favor with 2 lifetime sentences plus 20 years.

I slowly built myself back up and allowed people to assist me in the process including my high school sweetheart. Our relationship never returned to it’s former glory, but it was reinstated and continued from where we were.

Continued, not matured.

The years that followed were a combination of blind love and toxic attachment. I proved time and time again that I would do, be, and give anything to be with my partner, but realized after too many tears on my part and not enough action on his that our relationship was over.

“Maybe you have to know the darkness before you can appreciate the light.”

In 2015 I found my light in the form of a friend. I am forever grateful to have found this friend when I did because my life was at a turning point and could have ended anywhere. This friend was a shoulder to cry on and the helping hand when I was ready to yet again, pick myself up. He told me things would get better and with him, they really did.

He made me comfortable with companionship again. He showed me the world and told me nothing was off limits. He taught me more about myself than I knew in my lifetime before him. He became such an important part of my life in such a short amount of time that it’s hard to believe it to be anything but fate.

Of course I’m talking about my Fella. He inspired me in many ways, but one major way was by encouraging me to start blogging. Soon enough writing became my creative outlet and a new source of making friends. I’m so thankful for having such a supportive group online who understands the importance of sharing themselves in such a unique way; it’s truly a blessing.

But the biggest blessing from this past decade is that I’ve found peace. I wholeheartedly believe that the best way to appreciate something is to be without it. Once upon a time my life was a constant struggle; something I thought everyone just had to endure. It seemed as though the bad outweighed the good and happy memories only belonged in the past. But these past 5 years have been a blur of goodness. I found a career that keeps me on my toes, I married a wonderful man, and together we have built a beautiful life full of adventure and laughter.

Understanding that life is full of highs and lows is only the beginning; figuring out how you are going to react to them is how you take control-how you find peace.

Happy New Year my friends and welcome to the resurgence of the Roaring 20s! Let’s make this decade as lavish and tasteful as Fitzgerald once imagined.

15 thoughts on “My Formative Years

  1. Holy cow…. I had no idea. I’m so sorry you went through everything you went through, and thank you for sharing your story. You’re a strong as hell woman and I’m so proud to know you. I hope this next year brings more growth and happiness like you never imagined! Happy New Year’s my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you. ❤ I started blogging as a way to share my story. It can still be found in my archives, but my site has morphed over the years to what it is today-whatever that may be. 🙂 Happy New Year's!


  2. I didn’t realize how close in age we are! I graduated high school in 2011 and also made my college decisions based off my boyfriend. I am so sorry to hear what you’ve been through, you were so young I can’t imagine how scary that was for you. Your fella sounds like an amazing guy. I hope this next decade brings you lots of light and love.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Wow… it would be remiss of me to say I’m sorry it happened to you and how courageous you are (you are) because those words don’t mean much when someone shares such a powerful, heartfelt story. But sharing your story has infinite meaning and will help others find their courage.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Bex, I am nearly at a loss for words. I am so deeply sorry you went through this, but your strength and ability to speak out is absolutely awe-inspiring. I am sure this post will help SO many others that may be in similar situations. You have a beautiful way of writing too- thank you for sharing this story with us. There really is no greater gift than peace! Gosh, you are one incredible individual & I’m thankful to know you here ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for your kindness. I began writing for selfish reasons, and to an extent I do write for myself now too, but I’ve found that the more I share my story, the more hope there is in the world for those that may be suffering. I wish I had read these kinds of encouraging words when I was in such a dark place; who knows what difference it could have made. 🖤

      Liked by 1 person

  5. You have made it so far, Bex. You are one of the strongest women I know & you have accomplished so much. I’m so happy you started this blog & I loved that quote about only being able to come out as a survivor. ♡ Thank you for being brave enough to share with us & the police– it’s so satisfying to know your attacker was sentenced to 2 lifetimes.

    Liked by 1 person

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