My Tits Are Not the Problem

I’ve already published an opinion piece on fashion, but this is more of a critique on the female ‘dress code’ and expectations our society has placed on those of the fairer sex. Warning for my sensitive readers: I touch on sexual assault, my use of the f word is excessive, and my thoughts may not align with yours. I’m not here to debate; I’m here to share my views.

I’ve never been a sexually explicit female. I like to present myself with an air of class and timelessness. My go-to attire tends to be jeans and a t-shirt, but I like to feel sexy every now and then with a hip hugging dress or a top that shows off my décolletage. If I put something on that is pushing the limits of “respectable” when I’m getting ready for work, I change. I’m not a busty girl, so dressing professionally from the waist up is usually effortless, but if I adorn my curves with something formfitting, I think twice. Will I still be taken seriously and looked at in a professional manner if I wear this skirt? Is the fact that you can see that I have a waist going to distract my coworkers or give off the wrong impression?

This type of thinking is the result of years and years of conditioning…

To my ex’s mom for implying that my body was shameful by giving me a ‘more appropriate’ swimsuit, fuck you.

To the man that catcalled me in the parking lot as I made my way to my 8th grade graduation, fuck you.

To the defense attorney who asked me what I was wearing the morning my abuser attacked me at knife point, I’m sure this goes without saying, but fuck the absolute fuck out of you.


Yes–I am a female. I have curves. I have breasts. I have an ass. I like to dress nicely. I like to wear make up and do my hair. None of these points are an invitation for gawking, commentary, opinions, and certainly not advances from anyone other than my husband.

I want to be able to confidently walk to my car at night and not worry about what’s who’s hidden in the shadows. (Yes, I’ve been approached by men in such circumstances.)

I want to be able to have a meal by myself at a restaurant and not be approached by someone because I “look lonely.” (I very rarely eat out by myself and this has happened to me twice.)

I want to be able to not wear a bra to work because of a medical condition (i.e. poison ivy) and still be taken serious and not cause my coworkers to be uncomfortable or distracted. (Yes, I’ve stayed home from work because I didn’t want to be subjected to the unprofessional critique that not wearing the proper undergarments would entail.)

I want young girls to not be prematurely forced into their sexuality by older men with obscene comments about their looks.

I want young men to be advocates for their female peers and have the courage to stand up for decency.

We as a society need to do better. Children (boys in particular) need to learn that no other human being, male, female, and other, exists purely for exploitation. And that appreciation and lust are two entirely different notions and neither warrant action. Will we ever reach this body positive, harassment-free utopia? No, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try.

6 thoughts on “My Tits Are Not the Problem

  1. I’m very seriously considering being done with bras. They are uncomfortable and I don’t need to hide the fact that I was born with nipples. If someone leers at me I am just going to say ” STOP LEERING AT ME!”

    Liked by 1 person

    • You might need to come up with a ‘your momma’ comeback… something along the lines of ‘You sexualize your moms breasts with those eyes?’ You know, try and make them feel just as uncomfortable as they are making you…

      Like

  2. Pingback: Why is my phone ringing now?: March 27 – A Silly Place

  3. To the colleague who said I was only successful at working with a particular remote team because I’m a woman, fuck you! Seriously, that second X chromosome and its boobs and vagina make all the difference to working with someone who’s never even seen my face! Gaaaa

    Liked by 1 person

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