You Gotta Doo What you Gotta Doo

If you’ve been following along for a while, first of all, good on ‘ya! Second of all, are you okay…?

If you’ve been a long-time lurker, then you know I’m somewhat of a fecal non-fictionary; a shit-scribbler if you will–the topic, not the quality (I hope). If you need a refresher, here are posts one and two on the subject. Now if this intro or title in any way offends you or gives you a sense of unease, click out now. This story I’m about to share is graphic, disturbing, raw, and beyond humiliating for the protagonist–yours truly. Continue reading

Adventures Followed by A Rude Awakening

I thought I saw my face on the side of a milk carton and thought it was a good time to pop in and say: I’ve not gone missing. I’m here… lurking.

I like to read other blog posts chronologically and because of my recent trip (!), I’ve had to go through a week’s worth of blogs and at that point, I feel like it’s a bit weird to start liking and commenting on such posts. Maybe I’m wrong, but that’s just how my brain works.

I have many an update, but no one update is enough for it’s own post, so I figured I’d just share a rundown of what’s been going on. Continue reading

Feliz Quizmas Primero!

He’s at it again folks; stirring the pot to rile up this dysfunctional blogging family of ours. ‘Tis the season for family disputes I suppose. Paul has brought us this festive quiz to ring in the holiday season and round out this year of competition. Let’s get right into it, shall we?

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Making My Debut

If you blog long enough you find yourself apart of a strange online community; it’s only strange because everyone is super nice and you have support out the wazoo. And then people like Paul make a post pitting bloggers against one anther in a wacky but wonderful way, and up until this point I have remained a spectator. I have now donned my writers cap and am equipped with my rainbow backlit keyboard to participate in this round of Paul’s infamous quizzes. Continue reading

Pop Quiz

Paul over at The Captain’s Speech is a wannabe teacher who, instead of instilling terror in his students, delights his followers with pop quizzes, of which there is no set grading scale. He allots points based on gut feeling and is left with a winner. Here are my answers to this round of questions. T, consider this your challenge.

THE 10 QUESTIONS

1. You and a stranger are stuck in an elevator for three hours. After how many minutes would you tell them your name?

Answer: Null. I’m not one to proffer my information to anyone, especially to strangers. I would not initiate such formalities, but if the stranger told me his/her name, I’m not about to respond with, “Oh that’s cool…” Would I give them my real name? Probably not. Usually I tell people that I’m interacting with on a temporary basis to call me Red since that’s the color of my hair and it’s easy for them to remember.

2. You’re the first person to enter the movie theatre. Which seat do you choose and why?

Answer: The movie theaters in my area have one main entrance/exit to the theater, so I choose to sit slightly off center away from the side closest to the entrance and 3-4 rows down from the back. I don’t like when people have to scoot by or even be around me in general and I find that most people will either a) sit in the exact middle or b) sit closest to the end with the entrance/exit because they either i) are too lazy to walk any further or ii) know they will likely need to step out of the theater for whatever reason. I can also easily move down to the center if no one else fills in without making too much commotion.

3. If you were to navigate a giant maze with one celebrity, who would it be and why do you think you’d work well together?

Answer: Mark Ruffalo. He’s silly and if we end up stuck in the maze forever, at least I couldn’t be upset about it; he’s an absolute schmuck! I’m also not physically attracted to him, so I wouldn’t get distracted from the matter at hand. Plus he’s an Avenger, so that means something, right?

4. Eggs can be cooked in many different ways. Pick one and build a meal around it. What is included in that meal?

Answer: Deviled Eggs (without the frills–just the egg and filling) with ribs dripping in sweet, tangy sauce, lightly salted sweet potato fries with marshmallow fluff to dip them in, Mexican street style corn on the cob, and some delectably tart lemon bars for dessert.

5. Select the task you’d be able to complete the fastest and explain why:
A) Blow up (with your mouth) and tie 3 balloons
or
B) Pop 150 balloons with a thumbtack

Answer: A. Early in my teen years my parents and I were in a motorcycle club. Every fall we would attend a mass gathering of other club chapters at an agreed upon location for a weekend of absolute havoc. In the pandemonium there would be scheduled events such as a talent shows, banquets, a massive scavenger hunt, and relay races. In one such relay race one of the tasks was to race down to one end of the room, blow up and tie a balloon, and then pop it by any means necessary before sprinting back to tag in your teammate to repeat the process. I was surprisingly quick with the blowing up and tying the balloon, but the popping part–not so much. I tried every method I could think of including sitting, stepping, and bear-hugging that damn balloon, but it was essentially impenetrable. I put on such a show for all in attendance that people were doubled over in laughter at my ineptitude at balloon bursting. I can only imagine my struggle with popping 150 of them suckers.

6. Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee is a talk show hosted by Jerry Seinfeld. Using the same format for the title (Ex. Poodles on Patios Getting Crumbs), what would be the name of your talk show?

Answer: Seahorses in Slippers Drinking Whiskey. The premise would be me interviewing Mr. Mom-type men discussing the changing gender ‘norms’ and their experiences as stay-at-home dads while getting progressively intoxicated, but in a sophisticated manor; think Nanny 911 mixed with Drunk History.

7. Arthur is an animated educational television series for children. What are 5 television shows you watched as a child?

Answer: Rocket Power; CatDog; Rugrats; The Wild Thornberrys; All That

8. Pillows provide support and help keep our upper body aligned during sleep. What is the strangest place you’ve ever fallen asleep? Tell the story, if there is one.

Answer: Inside of a closet inside of a camper. I was invited to go on an all girls camping weekend with my mom and her friends. One of the friends brought her 5th wheel camper and insisted that she would sleep on the sleeper sofa and mom and I can share the bedroom. This was my first experience sleeping with a lawn mower and I just couldn’t take it, so I grabbed as many pillows as I could find and an extra blanket and made myself a nest inside of the closet of the bedroom. Luckily I’m only 5ft 2in so I can fit into a myriad of tight spaces; a 5ftx2ft closet with the door shut is one of them.

9. “Everybody Wants to Rule the World” is a song by the band, Tears for Fears. If you could be in charge of anything, what would it be?

Answer: I would like to be the Chief Executive Inspector for the naming of all nail polishes. If you are uneducated, most nail polish colors are given names most of which are puns pertaining to the color they are. I’ve seen some really great names, but I’ve also seen many that I could have made better.

10. Your closet is a portal to a new “location” (think: wardrobe to Narnia), where does it lead to? What do you see?

Answer: Scene-as you make your way through winter coats and motorcycle gear you are greeted with the smell of a campfire just before you see a towering mountain with a waterfall crescendoing down into a pool of the clearest blue water you’ve ever seen. After taking in the sights, sounds, smells and feeling the slightest chill in the air, you make your way down a well trodden path to a cabin welcoming guests in for some hot chocolate and funnel cake.

BONUS QUESTION

1. Please enter the correct 6-digit passcode to successfully escape this quiz.

3-7-2-2-7-3 (escape spelled out T9 style of course)

Pint-sized and Full of Rage

My parents came down for a visit a few weeks back and we spent an evening sitting on the screened porch by the fire pit sharing stories about our pasts. One of the questions that was posed was: What is your earliest memory? For me, my earliest memory is a mix of adventure, pain, frustration, and now, some comedic relief. Continue reading

Ready for Spooky Season

I’m over summer. I got my fill and I’m ready for the seasonal change. Is it just me?

I’ve already started listening to my Halloween music and burning fall-scented candles. I’m just waiting for the temperature to fall below 70 degrees so I can break out my scarves and sweaters.

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Don’t Forget Your Tutu

What… you don’t have a birthday tutu? Huh… weird.

Hello and welcome to my blogging birthday party hosted by me, the hostess with the mostest, the birthday gal!

Now before you make yourself comfortable, I have to ask that you make your way to the nearest sink and wash your hands; we are in the midst of a global pandemic–can’t be too careful. While you wash your grubby mitts, you must sing happy birthday (x2) to me, Bex, loud enough for me to hear. I’ve been singing it to myself for the past week and a half and my hands are practically sparkling. Feel free to continue this process after today.

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30 Questions You Say…?

1. What was your favorite childhood book? Go dog. Go!

2. What was your favorite TV show as a child? Rocket Power

3. What book did you read in secret as a kid? Next question…

4. What album and CD do you love and know by heart? So many, but I’m going to say Avril Lavigne’s Complicated.

5. What book did you hate as a student? George Orwell’s Nineteen Eighty-Four-Bleh! Continue reading