Unwanted and Riddled with Anxiety

Trigger warning: sexual assault, anxiety, depression

It’s been a while since I’ve sat down and wrote typed out my thoughts. I still maintain a presence in the blogosphere reading, liking, and commenting on other’s posts, but my site has been pretty quiet lately. I have been blogging for over six years now and honestly, it’s had an enormous impact on me. Not only have I made some pretty great connections with strangers on the other side of the screen, I was able to share personal stories via words on a page that I still, to this day, struggle to speak aloud.

My Tits Are Not the Problem

I’ve already published an opinion piece on fashion, but this is more of a critique on the female ‘dress code’ and expectations our society has placed on those of the fairer sex. Warning for my sensitive readers: I touch on sexual assault, my use of the f word is excessive, and my thoughts may not align with yours. I’m not here to debate; I’m here to share my views.

It’s Okay to Not Be Okay

Warning: This post my contain triggers associated with sexual abuse, depression, and anxiety. Please proceed reading with extreme caution. My intention in sharing this post is to help people and hopefully encourage those who may be suffering to seek help.

This time of year is always a struggle for me. Mid January carries an enormous amount of pain associated with horrible memories; memories that I feel at times will never dull.

My Formative Years

Be advised: this post may contain triggers for some

I’ve been reading a lot of ‘decade in review’ posts and learning so many interesting things about my blogger friends (mainly where I compare to them age-wise). As is the reason behind these posts, I too began thinking about my past decade and I can honestly say this will forever be the decade that changed me the most.

Seven Years and Counting…

I walk in and sit down, handing her a stack of forms to be signed. This has become our routine every Friday morning.

“… and what is today’s date?”

“The 19th,” I replied.

As soon as the last syllable had left my lips, I had a sudden chill run down my spine. If today is the 19th, then tomorrow…

The Calling of the Cats

How did catcalling become a thing and why on earth is it called that!?

It must have originated during the time of cavemen because only then would a grunt be considered a come-on. Think about it… One of the most used catcalls is a simple, ‘Hey!’- one syllable. You know what else is one syllable…? ‘Ugh.’ Sure, the physical gestures have evolved to consist of a nod of the head and/or a wink and in worse cases, a thrust of some sort, but can any man in today’s society claim to have had any type of success with a woman in this way?

He Messed with the Wrong Girl

I’m writing out my life in a timeline, so to experience my story the way its supposed to be told, start at I Was That Girl In School… then proceed chronologically by post date.

It was now time to lawyer up. I met up with my lawyer and my Guardian Angel and I explained everything that had happened including the first time he raped me months before. They consoled me when I cried. They reminded me that I was strong. They encouraged me when I started to doubt myself. If it weren’t for the two of them, I’m not sure justice would have ever been served; at least not in my case.

For those of you unfamiliar with court cases, they can take months, years even, to ever be completed. From the day he pulled a knife on me to the sentencing hearing, my case lasted 8 months.